always.

You know, I can be such a complete fool at times. An absolute tosser.

It is my nature to go all out for the people I care about deeply. And there aren’t many individuals that I do that for, mind you. It’s part of my complicated and oxymoronic genetic make-up. I’m not proud of it, nor do I really understand myself at times — but I am very happy about the fact that I can be someone you can ALWAYS count on.

However, it appears as if this trait of mine has led to a barrage of people conjuring up some mystical invitation to trample all over me, and my feelings. Most of the time, these people are friends who… could be something more. In this particular instance, it is exactly what it seems to read like.

I’m not going to go into length describing this and that, or recapping the history. I’m just going to get this off my chest, once and for all. Mainly because I’m sick of thinking too much about this blasted situation. So, dubya, this is for you.

You once wondered just how much you meant to me. You once had doubts about how you were special to me, in the face of a stunning accusation that you brought up against me.

… You were incredibly special to me. But, I guess I don’t mean that much to you.

This despite everything you’ve said and done. Oh, I know. The levels of affection we have toward one another are varying. I do not misunderstand that. However, when two people care for one another… there is usually a mutual flow of communication.

At any rate, all of this is insignificant. You in all probability will not read this. Nor will you care if you do. Because I have outlived my usefulness to you, haven’t I?

That’s just fucking fine and dandy.

I will be lying if I said I’ll be able to get over you quickly, because you meant a heck of a lot to me. But I’ve rediscovered one simple fact that will expidite the healing process.

It’s always — ALWAYS, without fail — been me versus the world. I was so fucking stupid to forget that. I was so naive to think you’d be in my corner. I was fooled by what I thought was genuine, but was in fact a fucking sham all along.

Not anymore. This is what is going to happen: I’m going induce myself in an alcohol-fueled rage and resume the fight I was engaged in. And I’m going to leave you in the dust. I’m going to forget you. I’m going to disacknowledge you. I’m going to pick up on your subtle signs and lessen your burden. I’m going to detach your memories from my brain.

Thanks for the memories. It was certainly fun while it lasted. Now, though, it’s time to get down to business.

… Me versus the world. Smells like victory.