the lack of sleep makes one do crazy things.

I did not intend for this to happen, but after careful consideration, I came to the conclusion that certain changes had to be made. Changes that would go a long way to altering the kind of life I’m leading to. I started out the year with many expectations and seven months on, I realise that those very expectations have been left floundering in the dust. I had told myself that I wanted to transform myself. I meant to relive the glory days of when I could do it all and get away with literally anything.

So perhaps, the inability to fall asleep in the past couple of hours may have done me some good. I have gained a little perspective. I can also attribute this to the fact that the people I used to know are morphing into entirely different people. They have taken steps to upgrade themselves and adapt to the ever-changing needs of our fast-paced society. In short, they are keeping up. I, on the other hand, will vehemently claim that I too have adapted in some small way. The truth is, however, I have not. I am more or less the same person I was four years ago. No, scratch that. I am, at this point of time, perilously dangling inches away rock bottom. I have been stripped of most of my worldly knowledge and everything that made me special has faded away.

Isn’t it true, though, that once you’ve hit bottom… you have nothing to lose? And therefore, the world is yours for the taking?

This was the epiphany I had been craving for months. And at last, I have decided to pull up my figurative socks and start developing some semblance of intelligence. I need to start thinking about the future. No longer can I just sit idly by and be satisfied with what’s going on in the here and now. My term of slavery in the organisation more commonly referred to as the Army is coming to an end. I am now required to carve out a living in the urban jungle. I am now required to step up, like a man.

Behold, one and all, the rebirth of the workrate machine. Rumours of my demise have been exaggerated. I have merely been stuck in a state of extreme mediocrity. Today, that all changes. I have arrived at similar revelations several times before, only to end up back inside a vortex of languidness. Not again. I shall not fall back into that trap. I am going to take the ball and run with it until the day I fucking die.

I’m back. And I don’t plan on going away.